I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
