Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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