Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize