So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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