Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize