I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
