why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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