i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
