shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
