I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
