why didn't you poke me back
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
