I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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