my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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