The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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