I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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