i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
