i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
