I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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