we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
