what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize