Can i not drive my cunt home
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
