she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
