Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you didnt know i had herpes?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
