i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
