I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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