dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
