Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I wear drunk well.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
