Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
