i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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