that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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