don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
