All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
