JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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