I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
