were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
