haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
