I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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