it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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