If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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