Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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