and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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