i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
