just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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