I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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