Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
