new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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