I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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