i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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