he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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