You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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