is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
