things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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