I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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