Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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