in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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