Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
