I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
