3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
