He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
