So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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