You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize