What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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