How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
