Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
