Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
