YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
