you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
