Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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