So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
