my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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