I accidentally burped into my bong.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Found the puke drawer
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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