butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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