Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
