Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
